Staring Contests of Doom
I was happy and sad at the same time. I was having mixed emotions. Because I was happy and sad. Because today I was sad and happy, because the day was better than yesterday, but it was also worse. So I was both happy and sad because it was better and worse. Than yesterday was.
It was better because the weather was still icky and cloudy and dark, but it wasn’t actually wet yet so my hair looked pretty still. I was also happy because I knew where everything was and stuff, and there was a big big group of people that surrounded me at lunch and fawned all over me because I’m just so amazingly awesome. It was also better because Pizza Face and Mike were glaring at each other all day like they were in some staring contest of doom. It was probably because of me. Why wouldn’t it be? I’m the most amazingly pretty person in Forks.
It was worse because I was tired because I kept taking myspace pictures all night and painting my wrists with ketchup to make it look like I was bleeding out my wrists. It was also icky because I got picked on by my stupid math teacher. Who needs math? Math is icky and stupid. It was really really icky because I had to play volleyball and I hate volleyball and some idiot hit the ball my way and I hit it and broke a nail. Luckily the ball didn’t hit the ground (it’s not supposed to, right?) because it was saved when it bounced off my team mate’s head. Lucky save on my part. And it was worse because Mr. Gorgeously Gorgeous Edward Cullen wasn’t in school at all.
I was worried all morning because I thought he would glare at me and be all angry and unfair and stuff. I really wanted to march over and demand to know why he was being so mean to me. I didn’t deserve that! I deserved nothing but good stuff, like candy and presents and kisses. And a marriage proposal. From Edward. Because we were destined to be together.
But he wasn’t there and I was even more sad because at least when he was glaring at me and stuff, he was thinking about me and giving me attention. Since he wasn’t there at all, he couldn’t give me attention, even though I was already getting a bunch of attention from everyone else. All the guys wanted to date me, but I just wanted Edward because we should be in love.
I kept thinking that maybe he was just late catching up to his siblings, but he still wasn’t there at the end of lunch so I moped a little. Mike was becoming my own personal little pet. He even fetched stuff for me and carried my bags. It was so nicely nice of him. He walked with me to Biology along with Inconsequential Girl #2 and carried my stuff all the way there!
When we got there, Edward still was nowhere to be found s because I already knew everything about Biology, I decided to paint my nails a pretty pretty color. Poor Mike had to go sit with some inbred hillbilly girl with ugly braces and a bad perm. Honestly, who perms their hair these days? It’s so icky! But Mike was starting to get really really overly friendly. He even tried to grope me! Ew! So I decided I had to think of a way to shoot him down because he was really nice, but kind of creepy.
I kept telling myself that I was happy Edward wasn’t there because I totally had needed to paint my nails, but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that he wasn’t here because I was here in the room that I was in and that he was not in. It was stupid, anyone would want to be in a room with me! I’m so pretty. And sitting beside me is just the icing on the cake because I smell like freshly picked flowers and I’m even prettier up close. Edward should be swooning by now and he wasn’t and it bothered me.
I got in my beat up old truck and saw that the Cullens were getting in a shiny new car. It was only a Volvo, but it was better than anyone else’s car. And they were all wearing designer clothing!! I needed to get in with this group because they were all gorgeously gorgeous like super models like me and had money. So I had to befriend them and stuff.
When I got home I had emails from my mom. “Bella,” she wrote writingly. “Let me know how your flight was. Love, Mom.” “Bella,” she also wrote writingly. “How was your first day of school?” “Bella,” she wrote writingly again. “I’m worried about you. Call me. If you don’t call soon, I’m calling Charlie.”
So I wrote her back writingly. “Mom, I’m fine. School is awesome because everyone loves me and the most gorgeous guy ever is going to fall in love with me. And the weather is icky.” Then sent it because that just about summed it up.
I was really bored and I didn’t really want to do my homework. I picked up an old book that was really slow and boring and dull and began to read it because I’m really smart and can stand stuff that like. Because I’m smart. And then Charlie came home so I went to grab dinner because I’m so awesome.
Charlie had a gun because he’s the Chief of Police in Forks and when I was little he used to take the bullets out when he came home so that I didn’t shoot myself by accident or something. Now he didn’t do it so I guess he figured I was old enough to know better, or not depressed enough to commit suicide. Little did he know…
“Dad, do you know the Cullens?”
Of course he know the Cullens! “Of course I know the Cullens,” he replied replyingly. “Why do you ask?”
“Because they’re loners at school.”
“It’s because they’re new. We’re so lucky to have Dr. Cullen, he’s so amazing and can do all this wonderful stuff. I thought I was going to have a lot of trouble with all the foster kids but they’re so nice! People here just don’t like them because they’re so pretty and everyone here is inbred.”
“Oh. Okay.” Then I went to bed.
My beloved Edward wasn’t at school the next day either. Or the next day. Or the day after. Or the day after that. Or the next next day. A whole fucking week went by and Edward had not come to school. I couldn’t figure it out!
The weekend was boring, there wasn’t even a good bookstore. I’d have to go to Seattle or something and mingle with all the pretty pretty fraternity boys and sorority girls. Or at least find a decent place to make myself all pretty. I need a professional manicure. And a pedicure. All this cold weather was making my skin all dry and icky.
On Monday people I didn’t know where waving at me and stuff so I smiled to my little hillbilly subjects and looked pretty. My reign as princess of Forks had begun! I’d successfully taken over Inconsequential Girl #1′s territory. I rocked hardcore status. Mike was still following me around like a good little pet. He sat next to me in English and because he hadn’t bothered me all weekend, I let him copy off my pop quiz on that really old boring book I had been reading. I knew all the answers because I know everything about everything.
When class was over we left the room only to find bits of white stuff falling from the sky. I was about to panic because I thought the clouds were falling out of the sky or something, or maybe God was brushing off the dandruff in his hair. Either one was pretty icky. But Mike just said, “Wow, it’s snowing.”
I looked at the bits of white puffy stuff that swirled swirlingly through the swirly air and swirled down to the gathering piles of swirly white stuff on the ground. “Ew.”
Mike raised his eyebrows. “You don’t like snow?”
“No. That means it’s too cold for rain.” Obviously. “Besides, I thought it was supposed to
come down in flakes. You know, each one unique and stuff. These just look like giant bits of dandruff.”
“Haven’t you ever seen snow fall before?” he asked askingly.
“Sure I have.” I paused. “On TV.”
Mike laughed until Pizza Face threw a wad of snow at him and hit him in the back of the head. Mike stooped to make his own snowball and throw it at him. “I’m gonna go to my next class. Once boys start throwing white wet stuff around, I take that as my cue to go inside.”
“You don’t like boys throwing white wet stuff?”
“Not at each other.” I said goodbye and walked to my next class.
When lunch came I walked alertly to the cafeteria on high alert because I needed to be alerted if there was a flying ball of snow coming my way so I could alertly avoid it. Alertingly. When I stepped into the cafeteria, I noticed that my future husband Edward had come back to school to see me!! I was ecstatic!
Inconsequential Girl #1 thought I was funny because I was all happy to see him. She obviously didn’t think Edward would fall madly in love with me. I’d show her. So I started to stare at Edward for a long long time until Inconsequential Girl #1 asked what I was staring at. But then she followed my gaze and saw Edward.
I ducked my head all shy like as he looked up at me, but Inconsequential Girl #1 kept staring. “Edward Cullen is staring at you,” she said inconsequentially. Of course he was staring at me! I’m me! The pretty magnificent princess Bella! Unless he was glaring at me.
“Is he mad?”
“No. Should he be?”
“No. But he was anyway.”
“Well he’s not now.”
I peeked at him and saw that he looked curious, staring me in a staring sort of way. I liked it. “I don’t think he likes me.”
“They don’t like anybody,” Inconsequential Girl #1 said, waving her hand inconsequentially.
Well they were going to like me! Who couldn’t like me? I told her to stop staring at him so staringly and she shut up and looked away like a good girl. Then mike came over and began talking about a massive snowball fight in the parking lot after school. I’d have to plan a way to avoid said snowball fight. Inconsequential Girl #1 looked very pleased with his idea, though.
After lunch I was happy to see that it had warmed enough for the snow to turn to rain, which was washing away all the snow on the ground too. No snowball fight yay! I was very pleased and told Mike to stop wining because he was wining about how lame it was that the snow was gone. But it wasn’t lame, he was just too dumb to know the difference. I couldn’t even blame his stupidity on his being an inbred hillbilly.
Edward wasn’t in Biology when I went in so instead I focused on drawing stuff on my notebook because I was bored. When he did come in, he sat beside me and said, “Hello.” I looked up and stared at him in disbelief because he was actually talking to me and I hadn’t even made an attempt yet! I must be more amazing than I originally thought. “My name is Edward Cullen. You must be Bella Swan.”
I blinked and nodded, noticing how he sort of sounded like a robot. He was speaking in a monotone practically. “How did you know my name?”
“Everyone knows your name.”
“No, you called me Bella. No one starts off calling me Bella, I have to tell them to call me Bella.”
“Oh.” He looked all awkward for a bit and I kind of felt bad. But not bad enough. Was he like, a mind reader or something? A mind reading robot. Maybe he was… Anyway, the teacher started droning on about the lab we were going to do but I had already done it because I’m smart.
“Ladies first?” Edward asked. I looked up at him to see him smiling a brilliant smile at me that made my knees weak and my brain stop working. “Or I could start, if you wish.” His smile smile started to fade and I got the feeling he thought I was a retard.
“Oh,” I said, waving a hand. “It’s okay, I know what I’m doing.” I studied the thing we were supposed to study and smartly called out what it was. Edward moved closer and touched my hand briefly because he wanted to see it to. Was my answer not good enough for him? What the hell? I was the smartest person here, duh. But he touched me, so it was okay.
He switched out the thingies again and promptly announced what it was, but I didn’t believe him because there was no way he could know that. I was the smart one. “Can I see?” He handed me back the microscope and I looked and saw that he was indeed correct. Fucker! How did he get to be so smart? I was indignantly indignant.
But since we were apparently the smartest people there, we finished first. Everyone else was struggling and a few people were trying to cheat too. It was kind of funny. So I passed the time by staring at Edward, of course. Something was just so different about him.
“Did you change your hair?” I asked. He stared at me and shook his head. “Oh… Never mind.” I stared back at him curiously, wondering what was so different. “Are you wearing make up?” Again he shook his head, still staring at me. I stared back. “Did you get contacts?” I unthinkingly asked without thinking. That had to be it. His eyes weren’t black pits of pretty despair anymore. He shook his head again and we went back to staring in silence.
Then the teacher came around to check our answers and tapped his foot on the tiles, glaring at Edward disapprovingly. “Did you even give Bella a chance to try the lab?”
I straightened in my seat and stuck my nose in the air haughtily. Did he think I was that dumb? Thankfully, Edward spoke up. “Actually yes. She did most of the work.” I beamed proudly at him.
“Did you do this already?”
“Yes.”
“Well we don’t like haughty know it alls in this class. You two will get along great together.” And with that he walked away, mumbling about haughty know it alls. Edward and I went back t staring at each other staringly.
“Pity about the snow,” he finally said finally.
“Not really,” I replied replyingly.
“You don’t like the snow?” He looked rather curious, sitting there staring at me.
“Not really.”
“You don’t like the cold.” It was a statement, not a question. That’s why it was ended with a period and not a question mark, something people in Phoenix learn at an early age, but you probably didn’t know which is why I had to tell you.
“Or the wet.”
“How in the world can you live here then?”
“I have no idea.”
For some reason he looked oddly fascinated by what I had said. At least, I think it was by what I had said. Maybe he was fascinated by me in general. That would be lovely since we were going to be married.
“So why’d you come here then?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I’m intelligent.” Well that made two of us!! But something in the way he said it made me stop and think. And then I started staring again and he stared right back.
“My mom got remarried,” I said.
“That doesn’t seem to complicated. Do you not like her husband?”
“Oh no, Phil’s great. Mom never gets lost with him around.”
“So…. what?” I went off on some inane story about how Phil was never around and she missed him and stuff so I left and came here to finish up high school, leaving my mom alone with Phil. The GPS vibrator. I knew she would thank me.
“But you’re still not happy.” Thank you Captain Obvious! Obviously Edward wasn’t as bright as he led one to believe.
“So?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair.”
“You’re really depressed aren’t you?” He needed to shut up now. I didn’t say anything in response though. I’d already dismissed him. “Am I wrong?” I scowled and didn’t say anything still. He was starting to get really annoying, with this gorgeousness and his robot voice and his mind-readingness. “I didn’t think so,” he sad smugly, a smug smirk, smugly stretched across his smug face.
“What do you care?” I snapped at him snappingly.
“That’s a good question.” But he didn’t say anything else so I turned away from him and proceeded to stare at the chalkboard because there was nothing else to stare at really apart from Edward and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stare at him anymore.
“Am I annoying you?” He seemed amused by the thought, which only made me more angry because he wasn’t supposed to be amused by me, he was supposed to love me and want to marry me and stuff, even though we’d only just met.
I shot him an angry look then told him the truth because he’s so gorgeous. “No, I’m annoyed at myself because you can read me like a book and it sucks.”
“Okay.”
And then the teacher interrupted by calling the class’ attention to him. Stupid teacher. I couldn’t understand why Edward had taken such a keen interest in me but was still treating me as if I smelled like rotting fish. Maybe he didn’t like fresh flowers? The teacher was going over the lab project but I already knew my answers were right so I was free to get lost in my thoughts which were whirling around my brain, which was thinking thoughts of things.
The bell rang and Edward was out of his seat and out the door faster than you could say supercalifragalisticexpialidocious. Which is pretty fast if you’re Mary Poppins. Mike hurried to my side and started complaining about how terrible the lab was and how it was so hard. I told him it was simple and he was an idiot. He didn’t seem to hear me.
I didn’t pay much attention to him at all for the remainder of the day, even though he was being his usual nice self. I told him to cover my volleyball position as well as his and he obeyed like a good little puppy. Maybe I’d get him a collar for Christmas.
When classes ended it was all drizzly and icky outside again so I hurried to my hulk of a truck and climbed in before tearing my jacket off, turning the heat on, and fixing my hair so it would dry nicely. No need to look like a wet dog. And then I saw Edward staring at me, leaning against the Volvo. Surprised, I stepped on the gas a bit too hard as I was backing out of the spot and crushed a poor little car behind me. I apologized offhandedly to the driver of the car, who was bleeding profusely from their nose and apparently had a crushed leg as well, then sped off. Edward was probably laughing.
Recent Comments