“Stupid Weather, Stupid Town.”

I was dressed really pretty. The kind of pretty where people would stop in the middle of whatever stupid activity they were doing and give me their full attention just like God intended. That kind of pretty. Suffice it to say, I was really uber pretty. My mom was driving me to the airport and my carry on was a parka because I can make a parka look really fucking pretty. You probably can’t though.

I was really pretty because I was showing off what everyone in Phoenix was never going to see again. Phoenix was about to be a really sad town that mourned my loss just like my mom was doing now. It was getting really annoying. She was all blubbery telling me I didn’t have to leave and she’d come get me anytime I wanted. Well she better come get me if I wanted, I’m a pretty princess and I get what I want!

The weather was all nice and sunny and hot because we were in Phoenix which is in Arizona which is basically a big desert. So it was really hot. I like hot weather, I can wear a bikini and show off so easily and all the guys just swoon over me because I’m so gorgeous.

Forks is a tiny little town my dad lives in up in Washington state and I stopped going there when I was little because I didn’t like it, it was always rainy and cold. There was no sun. Even my mom hated it. My mom left my dad because she hated that town. Serves him right for being so stubborn and never leaving the town. Or maybe my mom never expressed her hatred for the town? Either way we moved to Phoenix and Phoenix is better than Forks.

Who names a town Forks anyway? Why not name it Spoon or Knife? Knife sounds dangerous. I wouldn’t want to live in a town called Knife, I might get ganked or something. But why name a town after cutlery? Was someone that uncreative? They should have asked me what to name the town, I’m really uber creative and would’ve come up with a beautiful creative name for the town. Like Bella!

I was getting on the plane when my mom stopped me. “Bella,” she said. Bella is my name, which is why Bella would have been a great name for Forks instead of Forks. Maybe I’d take that up with them… “You don’t have to do this.”

My mom looks like me. I don’t look like her, she looks like me because I’m more important than she is. She has my eyes and my hair except her hair is short and she’s wrinkly. Which means even though we look alike, I’m prettier and therefor more important! Even though she’s old, her eyes look like they belong to a kid. She looks like a little lost puppy. Especially when I was intent on going to Forks. I wouldn’t tell anyone why because it wasn’t their business. But my mom had Phil, which was this bright pink state of the art vibrator that had built in GPS navigation in case she got lost, so she’d be fine.

“I want to go,” I said, even though it was a total lie. No one in their right mind would want to go to Forks. My mom was either really really dumb or was smart enough to let me do what I want because I’m prettier than she is. I’m a pretty bad liar though, so she probably knew I was lying unless, like I said, she was really stupid.

Once again she told me I didn’t have to go and I told her not to worry. She told me to say hi to Charlie, my dad, for her and I told her I would and that I loved her, then hugged her and hurried onto the plane so I didn’t have deal with her anymore.

It took four hours to fly to Seattle, another one hour to fly to some port place and another hour to drive back down from the port place to Forks. It didn’t make much sense to me, but that’s what it was. It was raining when the plane landed. No surprise there. Bye bye sun and hot weather! Bye bye bikini! I was going to have to find another way to show off.

Charlie was waiting for me outside with his police cruiser. He’s a police chief in Forks. I didn’t have any money at all, but I immediately wanted a car of my own because driving around in a police cruiser was just icky. It probably smelled terrible.

I had to call Charlie Dad instead of Charlie because otherwise he got all winy and sobby. So it was just easier to call him Dad. He asked about my mom and I told him she was fine. Of course she was fine, she had a vibrator with GPS navigation! Vibrators were better than men since they didn’t talk back.

As we got in the car he glanced over at me with a pleased look. I dunno why he was so damn pleased, he hadn’t done anything spectacular. Unlike me. “I got you a good car,” he said.

“What kind of car?” It was important that I had a really pretty car because I’m really pretty. It was only logical for me to have a car as pretty and important as me. Charlie never seemed to get that. It would really suck if I got stuck with an old beat up Chevy pickup.

“Actually, it’s a truck. A Chevy.” Great. “It’s a good car for you.”

No it wasn’t. A good car for me would be a shiny new Volkswagen Beetle. It’s so pretty, just like me! “Where did you find it?”

“Our old friend Billy Black down at La Push.” La Push was an old Indian reservation. ‘Nuff said. “He’s in a wheelchair now, so he doesn’t need the truck and he offered to sell it to me.”

“What year is it?” It was pretty obvious he had been hoping I wouldn’t ask so many questions about it. As if.

“Well, it’s not too old… Billy’s done some good work on it and it runs really well.”

Obviously he hadn’t spent enough time with me in the past few years to remember that he couldn’t dodge a question because I’m so awesome. “When did he get it?”

“Sometime in the early 80s or something.”

“Was it new?” Probably not, it was probably one of the first Chevy’s ever made.

“Err, no. I think it was new in the early sixties.” Figures.

“UGH! Daaaad! It’s probably all icky and gross and smelly and what if it breaks down out here in the middle of nowhere, I can’t fix a stupid car!” I pouted and huffed and stared angrily out the window. “How much did it cost me?”

“Nothing at all, it’s a homecoming gift from me to you pumpkin.”

I hated when he calls me pumpkin. I’m not a pumpkin. Pumpkins are big fat orange blobs of stickiness. I’m prettier than a pumpkin. At least the truck was free though. “Fine. But I expect a shiny new Volkswagen Beetle in the very near future! And it’s wet and icky here.”

We made it to the house in complete silence after that. Neither of us had much else to say. The house was the same rickety thing Charlie had bought when he first married my mom. Eeew. It was this old two story wood house that was probably crawling with termites and icky spiders. And it probably smelled all moldy. No wonder Mom left him.

I went up to my room, which hadn’t changed much at all. Nearly everything was the same with the addition of a phone line and a computer. I’d demanded the computer so I could check up on all the juicy gossip on myspace. I can’t go a day without myspace!! I unpacked most of my things and looked around the room drearily. I felt like I was going to cry. Maybe it was the weather, but I was feeling so emo! I just wanted to slash my wrists and sob into my pillow, blood bleeding out through the slits in my wrists. That were bleeding.

But I managed to stop myself because I knew I’d need my beauty sleep since tomorrow was my first day of high school at Forks High School. It was really lame because I’d only just gotten here and isn’t that like, not fair? I should have a week off to mope and slit my wrists and post pretty myspace pictures.

Before I went to sleep though, I sat in front of my window and looked out at the green world around me. Everything was so green! The trees, the moss on their trunks, the sky looked a tad green, I was feeling a bit green… That might have been the musty air. The last bit of light was filtering greenly through green leaves on green trees with their greenliness. It was very green.

In contrast, my room was plain. So I went to sleep. My dreams were green too though. Did I mention it was very green? Because it was incessantly green! I cannot get across how overpoweringly green this town was. They should have named it Green instead of Forks.

Breakfast in the morning was icky and Charlie left soon after we ate. I was pleased to find pictures of me through the years lining his walls. It was like a museum of me through the years! And boy was I pretty. But the house was so drab so I left. It was all icky outside and foggy and drizzly and the mist made my hair damp and frizzy and it sucked. So I got in the car and drove two miles in a straight line down the highway until I found Forks High School, but it sucked because it was hard to spot.

I drove around until I found the registration office and then parked under a pretty tree and hurried into the office. I tracked mud in there because of my boots (which were icky) but I didn’t care because the carpet was an icky orange color that looked like puke that was orange. It was very orange. And icky.

The lady behind the desk was large and in charge and had red hair and was wearing a purple t-shirt. It wasn’t a very good combination. I would’ve felt overdressed, but I figured she just had poor taste. It was probably because this was a redneck inbred hillbilly town. She probably was inbred since she had glasses and everyone knows inbred people have trouble with their eyes.

She looked up at from behind her desk and pushed her glasses farther up along the bridge of her nose with one big meaty hand. “Can I help you?”

“I’m Isabella Swan.”

“Oooo!!”

“What?”

“I know all about you! You’re so pretty!” It’s about fucking time someone noticed that! I was beginning to think the whole damn town was blind or something. Which again would have been understandable seeing as how they’re all inbred. The lady was nice though and handed me some papers to sign and a map of the school with highlighted routes to my classes. All the highlighter on the map made the routes look like a very bright swastika, but I didn’t say anything about that, just dismissed her with a nod and left.

Students were beginning to arrive, so I got in my truck and followed their cars hoping they’d lead me to the student parking lot, which they did. I was happy – and a little disgusted at the same time – to find that most of the cars in the parking lot were beat old pieces of shit too. Back home in Phoenix there were sleek new cars like Mercedes and Porsche and Lamborghini. I was going to feel even more like a princess when I got my Volkswagen Beetle.

My first class was in building three, which was easy to find because there was a big number three painted on the wall in black. So I could assume that it was building three, the building in which my first class was. In building three. And indeed, my class was in it, therefore reinforcing that it was building three and I had been correct in my findings of building three.

I gave the teacher my information and he just stared at me. Which was really weird and creepy. After a moment of silence, he directed me to a seat at the back of the room. I didn’t want a seat in the back of the room, people couldn’t admire me then! Though it seemed that they managed to admire me just fine anyway. The teacher was rambling on and on and the students were mostly staring at me so I was happy. I’d been given a list of books that the class was going to read, since it was an English class that requires books so we can read the English language in books. That are in English. I’d already read all of them because back in Phoenix everyone is really smart. We don’t have any inbred hillbillies running around and if they somehow manage to infiltrate our ranks, we shoot them dead on with shotguns. So inbred hillbillies are nonexistent in Phoenix.

Though we do seem to have an issue with Mexicans. Little bastards.

I was getting really bored and the teacher seemed to keep winking at me which was even more creepy, so I was very glad when the bell rang. It sounded very wheezy and winy like a wheezy winy thing. Before I could leave though, a geeky looking boy with a pizza face came up to me and told me he thought I was really pretty and asked if he could go out with me. I told him no because he has a pizza face.

That didn’t seem to deter him at all. Instead he offered to escort me to my next class, which apparently he had as well. I didn’t really want to be seen walking around with Pizza Face, but I didn’t want to get lost either so I agreed.

“So, this is a lot different than Phoenix, huh?” he asked inquisitively.

“Duh,” I answered in annoyance.

“It doesn’t rain much there, does it?”

“Duh.”

“Wow, what must that be like?” he wondered wonderingly.

“Sunny,” I told him tellingly.

“You’re kind of pale.”

“My mother is part albino.”

Apparently my sarcasm was lost on him, but I had to forgive him for his stupidity because he’s inbred. Thankfully, we had reached my class by then and he wished me good luck, expressing a hope that we would have more classes together in the future. I didn’t really care if we did or not, so I dismissed him with a wave of my hand and entered my class.

All of my classes were really boring because I already knew everything they were teaching. So for the most part I just sat there and thought about how wonderful I am and how Forks was so lucky to have me there. Except the girls, because I was obviously far prettier than they were. In fact, one of the girls was in a number of my classes with me. She actually started to talk to me, but I forgot her name as soon as she introduced herself since it was so inconsequential and bland.

She offered me a spot with her and her friends at lunch and since I didn’t want to sit alone I agreed. She introduced me to all of them but they all had inconsequential and bland names too, so I immediately forgot them as well. They treated Inconsequential Girl #1 as if she were a princess though, which made me kind of angry. Obviously I’d have to assert my territory over hers. I was the only princess allowed! Pizza Face waved at me from across the room but I pretended not to notice.

And then I saw them. They looked like a bunch of anorexic goth kids since they wore dark clothing and all had untouched trays of food. Not to mention they all looked impossibly beautiful. No one else seemed to notice they weren’t eating. Maybe they were well-known anorexics? Britney Spears would be proud! But her opinion doesn’t matter either because she’s an inbred hillbilly.

They were all really really pale and gaunt. Two of them were blonde, a male and female. With blonde hair that was really light blonde. Then there was a fairy looking chick that walked like a dancer. She was very fairy-like. I kept expecting her to sprout wings and wave a magic wand. One of the boys was really buff. It was kind of scary. I don’t like big buff guys. They’re buff and muscular and hard. On second thought…

Then there was a brown haired boy with pretty pretty eyes. He caught my attention the most. “Who are they?” I asked Inconsequential Girl #1.

“Those are the Cullens,” she responded, then proceeded to go off on their life story about how they were adopted by Doctor Cullen and his wife, who was supposedly barren. I didn’t care if she was the Queen of England, she wasn’t as awesome as me.

“Who’s the one with the pretty eyes?” I asked askingly.

“Oh that’s Edward, but he doesn’t date. None of the girls here are good enough for him,” she sniffed. I didn’t blame him for not dating, especially a midget like Inconsequential Girl #1. Me on the other hand, I was gorgeous so it was only a matter of time before we got together because he was gorgeous too and gorgeous people always end up living gorgeously gorgeous lives together I gorgeous harmony and happiness.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, but it didn’t matter because I’d already made eye contact with Mr. Gorgeously Gorgeous Edward Cullen. One of the girls from the table reminded me what her name was, but I forgot it again the second after she said it, so she remained Inconsequential Girl #2. We had our next class together so I didn’t have to worry about finding my way to Biology.

When we got there I was pleased to find Edward there as well. And then the teacher placed me in the seat beside his, since all the other seats were full. As I approached he went all rigid and glared at me angrily. I didn’t understand why he was so angry at me, I hadn’t even introduced myself yet! But he had the most amazingly black eyes that were so deep and black they were like black pits of despair. Only pretty.

When I took my seat beside his, he immediately shifted away and turned his face in the opposite direction, as if I reeked of something foul. Self consciously I sniffed my armpits, but I still smelled like freshly picked flowers, so that couldn’t have been it. His hands were all tense so I could see the veins and muscles working under his skin tensely. I got the feeling he was very tense.

The lecture was of course something I had already studied which wasn’t surprising because I already know everything about everything due to my being so amazingly smart and stuff. So instead I just sat and stared at Edward because his behavior was so weird and because he was gorgeously gorgeous just like me.

When the bell rang he was up out of his seat in a split second and rushing out the door. I pouted unhappily because he was being so mean and I hadn’t done a single thing to him (yet) and it just wasn’t fair! I was still pouting and moping but before I could mope too much, a cute boy came up to me and told me my name. Apparently they like to do that a lot in Forks.

However, he had approached me so he couldn’t think I smelled bad or something. I told him to call me Bella because he was kind of cute. He said his name was Mike and this time I remembered because he was cute. He asked if he could walk me to my next class and I told him I could find it on my own ‘cause it was gym, but it turned out that he had the same class as me. I wasn’t too thrilled because there’s only type of scenario where I allow a guy to see me sweaty and panting.

Mike talked a lot. Like, a lot. He was from a sunny state too, and he didn’t like how rainy it was either. So he knew how I felt, which was nice. Not that I felt nice, it was nice that he knew how I felt. Right? Right. Mike was really nice, so I decided not to randomly hate him for no apparent reason because he was the nicest person I’d met. No, he was the nicest person ever.

Then he brought up Edward. “What got Edward’s panties in a twist? I’ve never seen him act like that.”

For some reason, I decided to play the ditzy blonde, even though I’m not blonde. Because I have brown hair which means I’m a brunette, not blonde. “Who’s Edward?”

“The guy you were sitting next to in Bio.”

“Oh. He wears panties?”

“No. I mean, err… Well…. I don’t think so? I wouldn’t know. Anyway, he was acting really weird.” Mike gave me a weird look that was weird because it was so… Weird. I pretended not to notice. “Did you say something to upset him?”

What was with the third degree here? Too many damn questions. Why couldn’t they just chatter and let me be? “No. I didn’t say a word to him.”

“What a dumbass, I would have talked to you in a heartbeat if I’d been lucky enough to get a seat beside you.” He winked at me and suddenly he didn’t seem quite so cute. More creepy. I nearly threw up a little in my mouth.

We didn’t get to talk much more because we’d reached the gym. I went to give my information to the teacher, Coach Chlamydia, who in turn gave me a set of gym clothes but I didn’t have to dress out because I’m a special princess.

When the bell finally rang I went back to the registration building to turn in all my information and nearly walked out again because Edward was there and he was arguing with the fat lady in a low, attractive voice that was attractive and stuff. It made my knees weak just listening to the attractiveness. Apparently he was trying to switch his Biology period for any other time during the day.

This couldn’t be about me because I’m too awesome for him to really dislike me. Who could dislike me? It was inconceivable! I’m too gorgeous and princess-like. So I brushed it off and flashed him a pretty pretty smile as I handed in my information.

Edward glared at me and thanked the woman politely before stalking out the door angrily. Okay, so maybe it was about me.

As I headed back to my truck, it felt almost like it was a safety net. Something I could turn to in this green place that wasn’t quite as green as it had been yesterday when it was very green and the light shone down greenly onto green things like a halo of green. Because it was very green.

But it wasn’t green enough to make me happy because I was all emo again and debating slitting my wrists and posting a sad blog post on Live Journal and then taking emo pictures of me crying and stuff and posting them on myspace, crying about how awful my life is because Mr. Gorgeously Gorgeous Edward was angry at me for unknown reasons. It wasn’t fair, life was against me, WOE IS ME!! “Stupid weather, stupid town!” I sobbed sobbingly.

I drove home with shaky hands and nearly crashed into a greenly green tree. But it’s okay because I didn’t.