Anyway, I had loads of fun. No one really dressed up much, but it didn’t matter. The real fun to me was hanging out in the hallway with cool people. There weren’t many people there at all, really. But hey, we all contracted AIDs from the AIDs Wall. And impregnated each other with our fingers. Yes, there are stories to these inside jokes.

Anyway, it was in a pretty ghetto neighborhood haha. And we got there like, and hour and a half early so we wandered down Burbank to McDonald’s and chilled there for a bit, fixing our make up. The dude who drove, my friend Jessica’s friend Andy, was actually warded against by some Catholic dude. TWICE.

Jessica, my sexy asian mistress at Starbucks on Hollywood Blvd.

Me, all glossied up in McDonald’s.

So after a while we walked back to CIA, the club where the event was taking place. And waited around for an hour and a half before they let us in. Ugh. I saw Justin arrive, but didn’t approach him. Haha, go figure I was too nervous and shy. Not because he’s so hot or anything [even though he is] but because I’m always nervous meeting people for the first time.

So we finally get in and they’re playing Pirates of the Caribbean 3 in this little waiting area before the bands start playing. So we sit and watch. And wait. And keep waiting. And people start streaming in slowly. AND FINALLY WE CAN GO IN! YAY!

And Justin’s band is without a singer. Haha, yeah I don’t know what happened but their singer never showed for some reason. But hey, they played their set anyway and they sounded pretty damn good. I only got one picture because the lighting was killing me and I didn’t feel like wandering around the empty floor to get good pictures. Honestly, there weren’t many people there.

Spektra, minus a singer.

Afterward we were all hanging out in a hallway playing pirate themed games and such. D’you think you could win a game where you had to color in a picture with as many colors as possible, avoiding going outside the lines, all in 27 seconds? I didn’t think so.

Anyway, one of the girls I was with, Heather, got pushed against the wall and said something about getting AIDs from it. And Justin overheard and slowly stepped forward away from the wall. At which point my mistress Jessica chimed in with, “Your shirt has AIDs!!” And behold! We all eventually leaned against that wall and got AIDs from it. As well as began biting, poking, tickling, and otherwise touching each other in various places. And I stole Justin’s hat.

Wearing Justin’s hat and getting AIDs from the AIDs Wall.

And for reasons I’ve now forgotten, I did some spanking motion. Which I probably shouldn’t have done, ’cause Justin and his friend started grabbing me and trying to turn me around. I assume to spank me, but I got away before they could. Damn Rocky Horror guys, never trust ‘em. I have some lyrics that’d suit ‘em. “I should be committed for being so twisted.” Courtesy of Motley Crue. Yeah, that fits ‘em.

Not too much else happened. Justin figured out he knew me from teh interwebz and gave me a hug [squee moment haha] and we all just hung out and such, being silly and all.

So now I’m really tired from wandering around Hollywood all day in a corset. Which I didn’t get to take off until I got home, at around 1:30am. My ribs are bruised.

I’ve already had twats from her about cute guys. Let’s hope the photos come out really well! Anywho, Motley will be back with photos and an update on the Pirate party as soon as she recovers from it! (Probably some time on Wednesday.)

Oddly, enough, her life consisted of a lot of sleep even in the beginning. She didn’t move much in the womb, but she made me fucking sicker than shit the whole 8 months I was pregnant! GAH! It was a never ending barf fest, I kid you not. Truth of the matter is, I was pretty sick. Sick enough that they stuck me in the hospital and tried to feed me. I was like, helloooooo, I am a barfing machine! Take the sandwich and back away from my bed or I will hit you with projectile vomit!

The nurses kept trying to feed me. They took a lot of my blood too. I’m not sure how that was supposed to help me. It just made me weaker. Then some bastard of a male nurse blew out the vein in my left arm and now it’s not usable anymore when it comes time to stick a needle into it. I know. They tried for fucking 15 minutes when they had to knock me out for an abortion 8 years later. All I ended up with was a bunch of bandaids all over my arm and a bouquet of purple bruises.

During that month in the hospital, they gave me an ultrasound and amniocentesis weekly, trying to determine if Motley’s lungs were developed enough to induce labor, something they wanted to happen before I croaked off from being pregnant and sick. Those of you who have met Motley know… they waited long enough. The kid has some seriously developed lungs. NO… not her BOOBS! Her LUNGS. She can YELL LOUDLY. Sheesh. Minds out of the gutter… or out of her Fredericks enhanced cleavage.

About a month before my due date, they finally told me it was time to induce labor. OMG I was crying tears of happiness. The first thing I asked the nurse was, after she pops out, if I eat something, will I feel like puking it all up? She said no. I cried harder. Tears of undiluted joy. Eight months of puking had made me really hungry!

I don’t wanna discuss labor. I screamed a lot. It made me feel better and took away some of the pain. The IV hurt like fucking hell in my hand. I don’t think they had it in right because later it was dripping some serious blood. I mean, the vampires were congregating in the hall outside my door even. The part I really remember was about ripping the nurse’s head off when she tried to turn off my metal videos. Yes, Motley arrived in the middle of an Aerosmith video during MTV’s Hard 60 or whatever they called their 60 minutes of metal music at noon. It was Aerosmith with Run DMC doing Walk This Way. So I was staring at Steven Tyler’s wide open mouth while pushing Motley out. Somehow it all just seems appropriate.

Still, she popped out a month early during the video, showed her disdain for the chi chi, and took to a bottle, ignoring us all. My friends thought she was the coolest thing ever. Too bad they were never around at diaper changing time.

From the very beginning, the child had a evil love of all things fart related. She would fart and laugh up a storm. Nothing has changed from her diaper days on this front. She still loves the Log Song because she equates logs to poop. Okay, maybe that is just a little amusing.

Anyway, Motley was a good baby and a good kid. If you want to read the story of her disdain for the penis you can go to Bluepaintred’s archives. That was my guest posting story. There are a lot of stories I could tell you about Motley. Some are proud Mom stories. Some are frustrated Mom stories. Some are “When can I stake her on an ant hill?” Mom stories. But the one story you have to totally hear is the one where the 17 year old big breasted Motley asked to wear my concert shirts from the 80’s.

First of all, she was mightily impressed with the fact that I still had shirts from the 80’s and that they were in excellent condition. Of course, the shirts she was looking at were all shirts that I can no longer wear, and weren’t in the least interesting to Rott. Rott had gotten all the shirts he found interesting (ie Y&T and a few others) off of me before Motley had an interest in 80’s rock. All except one shirt… my Somewhere In Time shirt.

Oh, Rott wanted that shirt, but alas, his male shoulders would not fit in my tiny little Iron Maiden shirt from 1987. So, of course, this is the shirt Motley wanted most. At 17, she was a D cup (I’m a C now and was B when I bought the shirt) and weighed about 130 pounds so the Maiden shirt fit her fine, if a little tight in the boob area. At 18, she’d gotten taller, and heavier, and the D cup became a DD. She began to stretch Eddie out of shape, so I complained that she was ruining Eddie. She chose to ignore me, saying that it wasn’t like I was gonna be able to wear it ever again.

The truth threw me for a loop for a short time. Then I told her that it didn’t matter. MY shirt. Give it back. All this time Rott had been giving her the evil eye every time she wore the shirt. He so coveted it! Now, the kicker to me is that NONE OF US, fits in the 1987 Iron Maiden Somewhere In Time tour shirt that I got at Spartan Stadium in San Jose, California. It’s been washed and put back in the plastic box with the other mementos of my former thin, young, and fun life. And that, as they say, is that. Eddie is retired because none of us can wear him.

I love it that my kid loves all the music I used to love. However, I didn’t really like it that she was taking all my cool shirts and wearing them when I couldn’t. It reminded me too much of me getting old. I mean, that 20-something who wore all those shirts (and slept with all those hot guys) is still there inside me! It’s not fair if Motley wears the shirts and assumes my previous life, now is it? (Minus the sleeping with all the hot guys. Bad move. Really bad move.)

Anyway, I’ve got Eddie back now. I wonder what it will take to get my Seven and the Ragged Tiger baseball shirt back?

I’d kill to get a look… Don’t tell him I said that…

Shit, he can read it… Oh well, lol.

Well, I seriously fail at coming up with questions. I had a few and lost them, thought of a few but not enough… So these questions went on over the space of like, two or three days.

Alright, when did you first seriously get into music?

“Well I started playing piano in fourth grade so about 11 years ago I started. Three years ago is when I actually started taking it very seriously and getting involved in the industry.”

We already knew he had to be good with his hands to play guitar… But piano too? Nice. ;D

Would that be when you realized you wanted to be a serious musician?

“Yeah I’d say so. I’d say four or five years ago it was in the back of my head that it was something I wanted to do but it was three years ago when I started writing music and recording it, that it didn’t seem as much of a far fetched dream and more of a hard earned reality to work towards.”

What album had the most profound effect on you?

“Well I’d say the Ozzy Tribute Album that came out after the passing of Randy Rhoads. I was amazed by the way Randy played guitar. The one song that really got me on the track I’m on now would be Nothin’ But a Good Time from Poison. I saw that video on VH1 Classic four years ago and at the time I hadn’t really seen hair metal bands. I was a kid of the 90s so rock music for me was Smash Mouth and Sugar Ray. Pretty average looking guys playing pretty average music. And then I saw that video from Poison and just sat in front of the TV looking at it just thinking to myself, “what is this and why have I not seen this before?” From the moment I saw the “waiter” in the video kick the door open and I saw Bret and CC until the very end with the confetti falling on the stage it was very overwhelming for a kid in 9th grade to see for the first time. All the big hair and makeup, flamboyant guitars in both the shape and color, and mostly the energy they gave off in the video. I was quite taken aback.”

And you loved it?

“My mouth dropped and I knew from that moment there was no turning back to the top 40 radio. From that moment on it was all classic rock and this new music I found called “glam rock”.”

Who would you consider your idol?

“I would say after going through and listening to so many glam bands, as cliché as it will sound, I would have to go with Eddie Van Halen.”

Why is that?

“I just really respect a musician that does not compromise anything. I mean the guy couldn’t find what he wanted in a store bought guitar so he ended up making his own guitars to get everything right. That is until Kramer nabbed him and started making the guitars for him. A lot of people when they think about Eddie they think about his finger tapping technique or striped guitars, but there is so much more to him than that. He knew what he wanted in his gear and he did it himself. He modified his amps, built his guitars from spare parts, and with what few effects he used he modified the circuitry to them too. You don’t see that nowadays. Now musicians will mostly just use whatever they get from Guitar Center and make it work for them, but Eddie refused to compromise ‘cause he couldn’t buy something the way he wanted it to be. So I would definitely say Eddie or Randy Rhoads would be my hero.”

Why did you want to learn guitar?

“I thought it was a really neat instrument and it seemed natural to go from piano to guitar.”

How did you learn to play?

“I took lessons from my middle school music teacher for a few weeks before this kid Ben, who was the school’s really talented guitar player, took me under his wing and taught me.”

Now, Justin’s logo is a star and the number 16. See?

What is the significance of the star and the number 16?

“My First girlfriend, Kim, back in 2003 was killed by a drunk driver a week before I turned 16. Also, she got me into wearing stars and nautical stars as a fashion statement. She is why the focus of my logo is the star. Second, my father passed away 6 months later on April 16, 2004 when I was 16. On a lighter note, Minarik Guitars was my first sponsor and I received the Inferno Mirrorball from them and it was Serial number 16. A few months later, I purchased a Lotus from them. My eye was on 2 but they had sold it before I could get it so the next lowest one they were able to get me was again, lucky number 16. All these events in my past have formed me into who I am. That is why it is my logo and also why I have it tattooed on my arm.”

My birthday is on the 16th of May… Think that might raise my chances with him?

What’s your favorite band?

“Probably Motley Crue. They have great stage presence and musical ability. Not to mention they put on one hell of a show.”

Motley Crue is my all-time favorite band… I wonder if he’ll agree to marry me?

Here’s another cliche question… Favorite song?

“Oh wow I’m not sure I can pick one.”

Alright, let’s narrow it down. How about favorite song by the Crue?

“Motley Crue it would have to be Live Wire or On With the Show.”

Two good picks… I think I’m in love…

Alright, who would you say is the most influential person in your life?

“I’d say musically it would have to be the Trans Siberian Orchestra. I saw them at Madison Square Garden and it inspired me immensely. They are all class act musicians.”

Where do you see yourself in five years?

“Five years, I will have graduated college and hopefully be touring the nation or the world with a band.”

Do you ever have any doubts about making it big?

“Nah. When it comes to dreams you gotta have the highest hopes with the most reasonable expectations. That is the perfect dream right there.”

There ya have it, the wonderfully talented Justin Emord. So, if you have any questions you’d like to ask him either leave it in a comment and I’ll pass it along, or hit him up on myspace!

Haha, I don’t even know where to start. I’m feeling lazy right now. There was nipple rubbing with Jester and Dave, zombies, alcohol, boobs, and the passing around of pictures of cute guys on my cell phone. Some singing along to Hit Me Baby One More Time, some dancing in seats, some spanking.

You know, the usual.

Oooh, and I had large, hand-packed balls for dinner. They were a bit spicy. Who ever heard of meatballs with jalapenos in ‘em?

Hmm, let’s see… Jester and Uncle Monkey Boy were adorable together. And they’d both turn anxiously to see when I oooh-ed over a cute guy passing by. I love gay guys, seriously. So much more fun than girls.

I got caught like a deer in headlights in more than one picture. It’s sort of odd being the youngest one there. Actually, it sucks because that means I CAN’T DRINK. LAAAME.

Anyway, we all split up a bit after a while and me, my mom, snackiepoo, Jester, Uncle Monkey Boy, othurme, and Karl all went to this art show. Jester and Karl got some colorful art done in their hair, while I was given a beehive decorated with fake pink hair. How wonderful. But my talented self managed to get it untangled and back to its sleek-ness in the car with my amazing[ly expensive] hairbrush.

And the next day, me’n my mom headed over to snackiepoo’s house to hang with her, Jester, Uncle Monkey Boy, Karl, and othurme again. We had giant pizzas covered in cheese and meat and alcohol and fun times. Uncle Monkey Boy provoked snackiepoo’s cat into attacking his feet, which was relatively amusing.

And we got our very own live gay porno, complete with spanking and lost jewelry! …Alright, so we just wish it was a porno. Jester and Uncle Monkey Boy were fooling around. BY THE ALCOHOL! What if they’d knocked it over?! That’d be such a waste… But yes, UMB lost an earring, which I found for him on snackiepoo’s carpet. And we all sat down for some Rockband action, with snackiepoo singing, me on guitar, othurme on bass, and a switchoff of Jester and UMB on drums.

It’s interesting when you’ve got nearly everyone in the room singing along to the song.

And so ended a fun-filled weekend. Not a very good recap, but I’m lazy. Toodles!

Oh, and be sure to stop by again soon, I’ll have an interview up with Justin Emord soon! Once I’ve got enough damn questions the ask him… Speaking of, if you have any questions you’d like to ask him please leave ‘em in a comment!