Yeah, I’ve been taking a hiatus from writing for a bit, hence why there’s no new Sparkly Vampire Nonsense chapters posted. I’ve been focusing on art a bit more lately, ’cause I’ve been needing the practice and such. I’ve been thinking of going to an art school, maybe taking illustration classes and such. Make this into some kind of career. Or something.

Anyway, here’s some of my recent work. c:

Still No Bikini

Because I had absolutely nothing better to do, I sat around and listened for Alice to arrive with my truck. I never heard her arrive, but when I went to go look out the window, there it was! Sitting in the driveway!! Like magic!! Stupid magic fairy girl.

This isn’t actually something you need to know and is merely thrown in to make the book lengthier. Did it work?

I totally expected Friday to suck. And it did suck. Like a sucky sucking thing that sucked. Like a cheap whore in a back alley. Inconsequential Girl #1 cackled gleefully because everyone thought I had fainted. I shoved a cracker in her mouth and told her to go suck Mike. She looked kind of pleased at the idea.

Whore.

She was really curious as to what Edward had wanted during lunch. I told her to bug off and finish my math homework. She grumbled and obeyed. I’d have to keep a tighter rein on her now. She was all huffy and stuff because I didn’t give her a good story to gossip about. Whore.

Friday really really sucked most because my beloved Edward wasn’t there!! SOBSOBSOB. He had even told me he wasn’t going to be there because he was going on a camping trip, but I stilled hoped against hope that he’d be there. But he wasn’t.

And gasp!! Someone didn’t like me!! It was Inconsequential Girl #3, actually. I never even talked to her!! I was going to have to beat her beatingly with something. But Mike told her to shut it and she did. Maybe I’d get him an even better collar for Christmas…

Charlie knew all the kids that were going to the beach and all their parents and all their grandparents and all their pets and all their history and stuff like that. He liked that I was going to the beach with them, God knows why. “Sure Bella, go out in the freezing cold to the beach where wind chill will push the temperature down farther.”

I woke up the next day to bright brightness shining brightly through my window. Brighteningly. The sun was out! Yay! And there was a patch of blue sky!! Yay!! Ohmigawd it was so awesome!!! It was the first time I’d seen sun in over a month!!! It was cold though, so still no bikini.

So I left the window and went out to the appointed spot to meet everyone. Inconsequential Girl #3 gave me a dirty look so I shoved a cracker in her mouth and told her to bow down to me. Bitch. Mike was happy to see me though!

The beach was very grey. The trees looked kind of grey, the sand was grey, the rocks were grey, the sky was kind of greyish blue, the water was grey.  It was greyingly grey and kind of depressing. Mike made a fire from the driftwood that came in off the ocean and it was blue. Fucking blue fire!! Apparently Mike was magical too. I’d have to keep my eye on him.

Then we went on a hike to the tidal pools. We had to hike through the woods to get to them, even though that makes no sense at all because tidal pools are generally found ON the beach, therefor not requiring us to walk through woods to get there. Except in this book because the author is an idiot.

When we got back, Indians from the nearby reservation had come to join us. I didn’t get any of their names because they’re Indians; who cares? We have their land now, what do they matter? I only got that one of their names was Jacob.

I sat with Inconsequential Girl #2. She was quiet so she never bugged me. Yay! She was my new best friend. After we ate lunch people started to scatter and do their own thing. Fuckers! They’re supposed to stay and watch me because I’m their ruling overlord! UGH! Obviously my hold on them was slipping… Probably due to Inconsequential Girl #1 and #3. They were bitch whores. I’d have to kill them later.

Jacob came over and told me my name. What the hell? Again? Was this a time skip and I was back at the first day of school? Why couldn’t anyone just realize that yes, I was the prettiest person there therefor I had to be Bella. Duh. But apparently I knew his family! So, since he was cute and all that, I spent the next bit of time stroking his ego and talking about cars, a subject I had already admitted to knowing nothing about!

Then Inconsequential Girl #3 decided to butt in and pretend to be better than me. Jacob shut her up though. I think I found my new lost puppy! It was so cute, watching him brush her off inconsequentialness. I batted my lashes at him and cooed.

“Come walk with me,” I said, still cooing cooingly. He had won my adoration because he shut up a bitch. Yay! So even though I was seventeen and he was fifteen, I flirted shamelessly. “So, what was that big tall man who’s name I think is Mondo Pain say about the Cullens?” I asked alluringly.

“Oh, they’re not supposed to come on the reservation at all, but I can’t tell you why,” he replied, looking allured.

“Ooo, tell me why?”

“Okay, but only in a weird cryptic story.”

And so he proceeded to tell me a weird story involving werewolves and vampires. And then he said that the Cullens [i]were[/i] vampires. Haha, as if.

Then Mike and Jessica approached and Mike stared daggers at Jacob who taunted him and stuff and I just secretly flirted with Jacob ’cause I’d totally used him in order to hear about him talk about the Cullens. That wasn’t stalkerlike at all.

And we left ’cause it was gonna rain soon. Ugh.

I am terrible at keeping track of when I’m supposed to post these chapters. I keep forgetting! I haven’t actualyl worked on it for like… A week. >_< I know, I know, that’s bad! I’m on Chapter 9 right now. Nearly done with it, just… Been bogged down with art. I’ve discovered that I can draw guys! Yay! But now that the freebie Easter event on Gaia is over, I’ve got more time to finish up my commissions and start pumping out SVN chapters again.

Uhm. Was I supposed to post one yesterday? >_<;

Not Listening to You!

I skipped off to English in a daze because skipping is awesome and I was just so shocked that Edward actually couldn’t keep himself away from me. Well, I wasn’t all that shocked because everyone loves me, but I didn’t have to work to bring him around which I thought I would have to do. But I didn’t because I’m just so amazing.

Even though I was late I didn’t get in trouble like most people would because I’m amazing and can get away with whatever I want. Perks of being an amazingly gorgeous and smart princess.

Mike wasn’t sitting next to me today but I didn’t notice because I never pay attention to him anyway. But then he and Eric came up to me and walked me to my next class so they must have totally bought the whole Seattle excuse. Mike kept yapping about going to the beach. I didn’t know why he’d want to go to the beach when the weather is overcast all the time and the temperature was supposed to be in the forties. Did he expect an iceberg to float by or something?

I didn’t pay attention to anything all morning because I was totally [strike]obsessed[/strike] in love with Edward and he had given me this look like he wanted to pull me down and shag me rotten and it was just so romantic!! Part of me thought I must be dreaming because it was just so easy.

In fact, come lunch time I was all nervous and thought that maybe I really had dreamed it! That would’ve totally sucked. Like, suckingly sucked. There was a big group of people around my table and they were all talking and planning stupid stuff for the dance and stuff. I didn’t care because dances are stupid.

I looked around eagerly because I was eager to see if Edward was eagerly there looking eagerly around to see if I was there eagerly. He wasn’t so I was sad.

I got all mopey and bought lemonade because I had extra money and sat down and wanted to smash it on Inconsequential Girl #1’s head, but before I could she said, “Edward is staring at you again.”

I looked up and saw Edward was sitting by himself staring at me staringly so I stared back. Then he made a come-hither gesture with his finger and it turned me on and I left the others because they were really stupid and Edward was so perfect. I think Inconsequential Girl #1 was glaringly at me glaringly. He told me to sit and I sat because I was lost in his eyes.

He was just so perfectly perfect it was perfect!! He was so dreamy and pale and stuff and I kept pinching myself under the table because I thought he was too perfect to be real. But he was real and he was mine mine mine!! Or he would be, he just didn’t realize it yet.

“What are you doing?” Edward asked curiously with curiosity.

I blinked at him, confused. “What?”

“That!” He pointed at my face. “You’re face keeps scrunching up like you have gas.”

“I do NOT have gas! I do not have any waste-like bodily functions, thank you.”

“Are you one too?”

“One what?”

“Oh shit. Never mind.” He looked around nervously before fiddling with his perfect hands on the table. He was really confusing but since he was so gorgeously gorgeous and perfectly perfect, I decided I’d let it slide this time. But he owed me, fucker.

“Never mind what?”

“Exactly.”

I stared at him for a second. Holy fuck nuggets he was good. “You’re really confusing.”

“I know.” He beamed at me happily in a happy way that was happy. I think he was kind of happy.

“So, why are we sitting together?” Apart from my being fabulous, of course.

“Because I’m gonna be a bad boy.”

“Oh?” I perked up at this, because it sounded very yummy.

“Not like that.”

“Oh…” Well damn.

“Your friends are jealous because they want to sit with you.”

“Who cares what they want?”

“I might just keep you.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to be friends?” That was what he said right?

“Yeah but you’re stupid and won’t listen so it doesn’t matter.” How dare he!! I was way smarter than he was!! How dare he insult me in such a way! Oh but he was so dreamy…

“So as long as I’m an idiot we’ll be friends?”

“Seems like it.”

“Works for me.”

We went all silent for a long time because there wasn’t really anything to say. Edward’s face went all blank and stuff and he just stared at me while zoning out. Then he said, “What are you thinking?” I was astonished because I totally thought he had gone off into his own little world, but apparently he had not. I blushed because I had been thinking of picking my nose since he wasn’t paying attention, even though he was paying attention.

I stared at him and said, “What you are.”

He got all huffy and pissy again and told me to forget it because it wasn’t important. Which only made me think that he actually was something abnormal, since he never denied that he wasn’t normal. Maybe he was Spiderman, because that’s a totally logical explanation.

“Well what do you think I am?” he asked finally. But I just shook my head because I wasn’t stupid enough to actually tell him I thought he was Spiderman. He’d have to kill me then. “Won’t you tell me?” I shook my head again and made a gesture with my hand to symbolize that I’d zipped my mouth shut. He gave me an impatient look. “This is annoying.”

“Now you know how it feels so there!”

“Just one?”

“Okay, are you Spiderman?” He was just too pretty to be mad at.

“Uhm, no.”

“Okay, that was all I had.”

“You’re not very creative.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not good.”

We’d been over this before. He was trying to be a bad boy. “So you’re dangerous?”

“No shit Sherlock.” Oh yeah, wasn’t he trying to tell me this the whole time?

“Why didn’t you just tell me you’re dangerous?”

“Because it’s not cryptic enough and the author needed something to force us to interact in some way and give you a reason to have me on your mind.”

“I don’t need a reason,” I said, scoffing scoffingly.

“Fair enough.”

At that point I realized that the cafeteria was nearly empty so I stood up and ran to class, expecting Edward to have followed me, but he didn’t. Apparently the bastard was ditching. Oh well, his loss right?

Except we were going to find out our blood types in Biology and I don’t like blood. Even though half the time I’m emo and carry around a razor blade in my pocket. I feigned sickness and the teacher had Mike take me to the nurse’s office. Score! I got off scott-free! I told Mike I wanted to sit down, so I did.

And then Edward rounded the corner. Damn it! I didn’t want him to see me all pale and clammy from scaredy-ness. “Bella?” I didn’t say anything because I wanted to pretend he wasn’t there so I could be all sickly around people I don’t care about, not my future husband. “What’s wrong?”

“I think she fainted,” Mike said helpfully. Even though he wasn’t helpful at all.

“Bell?” Edward leaned down towards me. “Can you hear me?”

“No I said.”

He laughed and slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Go back to class, I’ll take her to the nurse’s office.”

“No, she’s mine!” Mike whined. I told him to shut it and go back to class so he did.

The nurse was very surprised to see me carried into the office and placed on the only little cot there. “She fainted in Biology. They’re blood typing.”

“Again? Well she’ll be fine, go to class.”

“I’m supposed to stay with her.” The nurse let him alone after that, but every question I answered for the nurse had him stifling laughter. Cocky bastard.

“I bet Mike is all put out now.”

“He hates my guts,” Edward say cheerfully with lots of cheer.

“Oh fun.”

“Let me get you out of class because I can.” And he did. “I’m also driving you home. Alice will drop off your truck.”

“What?”

“Just listen to me.”

“Okay.” I liked how he was in charge, just like a man should be. Women are too frail, we need men to take care of us. Edward was the only man able to take care of me because he’s just so fucking pretty.

I started babbling about my mom and her bright pink GPS navigational vibrator named Phil that she “married” and then we were at my house. So instead of letting him go get his family from school, I stuck around and asked him about them. He glared at me and told me to get out and I did.

“Don’t do anything stupid this weekend,” he said, then drove away. I stuck out my tongue at the car as he drove away.

Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner

In my dream it was dark and the only light came from Edward’s skin. He was dressed in a bright pink tutu and even that seemed dull against the brightness of his skin. He looked like a freaking light bulb! He was prancing away from me and the only time I ever saw his face was when he did a little twirl and hopped into the air like a flamboyant gay man who just found out he had enough money to afford a sex change operation. After that he constantly appeared in my dreams in some form of drag. I never could figure out why. The dreams were so vivid and startling that it kept me up nights. It really sucked because I could swear I was getting bags under my eyes. Gross.

The next month was really really sucky because Edward wouldn’t talk to me at all. I started wondering if he was regretting saving my life. And then I got all depressed because we were supposed to get married and be all gorgeously gorgeous together and we couldn’t because Edward hated me. I got all emo and started taking more emo myspace pictures and once again started debating if I should slit my wrists and let them bleed blood out of my wrists which would be bleeding. With blood.

Apparently my mom caught on to how depressed and upset I was but I just told her to shove it so she went to go find Phil. Must suck to lose your GPS device, especially when it’s so… useful. I tried talking to Edward the day after The Accident, but he just gave me a disgusted look and ignored me. I was starting to realize that despite his superior looks… He was really a jackass with no personality. Not that I cared, we were going to get married. The question was how I was going to get back in his good graces.

Was I even there before?

I was completely obsessed with Edward because he was so fucking pretty. If he was female, he would prettier than me and that’s impossible. Mike really liked the fact that Edward wasn’t talking to me and he started following me even closer now and spending as much time alone with me as possible, especially in Biology, even though we weren’t alone because Edward was right there beside us at the desk I sit at that he sits at too and could hear every word because he sat at the desk I sit at beside me at that desk.

Funnily enough, the day of The Accident was the only day with snow. After that it rained and washed the snow away and for the rest of the month we had only rain and no snow. Maybe God hates me too. God must love Edward more than me, that’s the only conclusion I can come to. But it’s not logical because I have boobs, therefor making me better than Edward.

Then Inconsequential Girl #1 called and asked if she could ask Mike to the Girls’ Choice Dance in March. I told her if she kept him on his leash, I didn’t mind at all. She didn’t seem to believe me, but I told her I didn’t want to go to the dance and I didn’t. Unless it was with Edward. Then I’d go. Anyone else wasn’t worth the time.

The next day Inconsequential Girl #1 wouldn’t talk to me or stand by me or look at me or anything. And Mike was all quiet and weird too. It creeped me out. He lingered in Biology as usual before the bell rang. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. “Spit it out,” I ordered him.

“I wanna go to the dance with you,” he whined whiningly.

“I’m going to Seattle.”

“Oh…” He sidled off to his seat dejectedly. I think Edward was grinning but my new tactic was to ignore him entirely so I did.

Strangely at the end of class as I was gathering my things, I heard him call my name. “Oh, are you talking me now?” I asked snidely.

“Er… No.”

“Then why are you talking to me?”

“Because I wanted to tell you that we shouldn’t be friends.”

“Why don’t you just say it! You wish you’d let me die! I HATE YOU!” My emo-ness had come out and a grabbed my stuff, then tripped over my feet and fell flat on my face, my books and things flying every where. Casually, Edward picked up my things and stacked them neatly on the table and walked out the door.

I climbed to my feet and went to my next class.

Actually, before I could get to my next class, Pizza Face stopped me and asked me to the dance. I told him no because he has a pizza face. Then I went to my next class. Gym sucked.

After that I hurried to my truck and threw my stuff in and started the engine. I could see Edward watching me, looking so amused and haughty. I wanted to punch something because he was so damn beautiful and still not mine! Life isn’t fair and it should be because I’m better than everyone else! In my angry rush, I pulled out and hit a car that happened to be driven by the same person I’d squished before. This time their head was bleeding and they were crying hysterically. I waved a hand at them in greeting and moved on towards the exit.

Unfortunatey, Edward had pulled his shiny Volvo out in front of me and blocked it! He was apparently waiting for the rest of his perfect fucking family. I cursed them all and glared at his shiny car which was really shiny and actually kind of hurt to look at because it was so shiny. As we waited, Tokin’ Token approached and knocked on my window. I rolled it down a bit and gave him an outraged look. “Don’t touch my truck, you’ll get it dirty.”

“Yes’m,” he responded politely. “I was wondering if you had a date for the dance?” Was Token seriously asking me out after he tried to kill me? What was with the people in this town?

“I’m going to be in Seattle, actually.”

“Oh…”

“Move along, Token.” He waddled back to his car obediently and got in, waving at me happily. Now he absolutely had to be inbred. I looked forward to find the Cullens getting into the car and Edward laughing his ass off at me in the rear view mirror. I revved my engine in warning and he sobered up a little, speeding off ahead of me. I grinned and drove slowly home, muttering about how to successfully kill Edward.

Over dinner I told Charlie I was going to Seattle. He wanted to know why and I told him I was going to pick up some drugs, get drunk, and find a frat boy to play with. He just nodded and ate his echiladas. “Make sure you have plenty of money for gas,” he warned in a warning tone warningly.

I ignored him.

The next morning I pulled into the student parking lot and got out of my truck, intent on making it to my first class without running into Edward the Asshole. I dropped my keys though and stuck my butt up in the air and of course, Edward walked right into it. Crotch first. “Oh, I’m sorry!” He leaned forward over me and to the side, reaching around to pluck the keys from the puddle. This position was starting to turn me on. Crap.

He straightened and stepped around me and handed me my keys. I snatched them from him and glared glaringly. How dare he stop doi- I mean how dare he do that! “You’re really annoying.”

“You’re really amusing. I wanted to ask you something.”

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later.” I glared at him again and he just laughed. “Want a ride to Seattle?”

I eyed him suspiciously with suspicion. “Is that some kind of crude innuendo?”

“No, should it be?” I glared at him again and he laughed in my face again. “No, I’m serious. Your truck isn’t gonna make it.”

Stupid shiny Volvo owner. “Fine.”

“Okay then.”

“Fuck you.”

“We really shouldn’t be friends.” I blinked at his sudden change of subject. He must have ADD or something.

“Why, do you have AIDs or something?”

“I might.” He blinked at me and tried to keep a straight face.

“Well if we shouldn’t be friends then why do you keep trying?”

“Because you smell yummy.”

“Works for me. Walk me to class?”

“Okay.